Our partners from the Sanctuario de San Antonio Social Services Ministry recently conducted an inter-jail essay writing competition participated in by Persons Deprived of Liberty. We are proud to share below the essay written by one of our CBB Participants currently detained at the Pasig City Jail Female Dormitory.
Her essay was among seven winning entries who were awarded cash prizes and care packages.
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St. Francis in the New Normal by SMEM I have few knowledge about St. Francis of Assisi, I just knew him to be the Patron Saint of those who promote care for nature and for animals. But his love for all God's creation; animals and plants, humanity, rocks, wind and the entire universe brought me inspiration to be God's channel of love for my fellow PDL here in Pasig City Jail Female Dormitory. The moment I felt the handcuffs on my wrists on February 24, 2014, I began to feel God prompting me to question why this happened to me, to my family, to my two year-old son whom I left to his father, and to my unborn child in my womb; what will be our direction in life? What future awaits for us? So many questions popped in my mind and to the point I get mad at Him and tried to abort my baby in my womb because of depression and anxiety. Negative thoughts, temptations and fears were all over me and I could not stop myself being down and feeling miserable. As I look in the eyes of my two year olf son, I know he was scared and terrified because of what is happening around him. Questions bursting inside his innocent mind and as a mother, I don't know how to comfort him at that moment. But God did not give up on me, He never left me nor took me for granted, and that challenged me. He gave me many reasons to get up in the morning and be His instrument just like St. Francis to my fellow PDL in my simple and little ways. For the past seven years of being detained, I believe that NATURE and the ANIMALS have been my friends, in my "NEW NORMAL" life, which is behind bars, isolated and away from my whole family who are based in General Santos City, while I'm here in Pasig City. Since that day, my life turned 360 degrees, but the Power of God makes me feel okay 100% and more. I can feel His love for me every day though we can't see Him but through other people and the countless blessings showered on me every day and to my family; physically, emotionally and mentally. Every moment I wake in the morning, the nature, through the warm blanket straight from the Sun and the Air, heard the chirping Birds outside, I felt His love for me because I'm still alive, breathing and very much okay. Despite the Mountain high of problems, trials and challenges we've been through every day, God still gave me a good life and continuously giving me a good life, first, because of my family, how BJMP officials care for us, my friends, my other fellow PDL who gave me convenience and comfort. Because of His unwavering LOVE for me, there's no reason for me to give up because He's not giving up on me. I know I have a purpose in this place and this challenges me. My passion to serve now flourished. Given enough time and offered programs by thr Bureau, I joined in various WDS activities, from Religious to recreational activities and there, I discovered and get to know more of my self. I've learned to read the Bible and gave testimonies in front of other people how God transforms me and how God works in me every day and every moment. On the other side, I've discovered that I can dance and this is one of the God-given talents I shared to my fellow PDL, through entertainment. My heart is empowered to help and reach out to my fellow PDL especially to the elderly ones. I engaged in mentoring Alternative Learning System (ALS) PDL Learners as one of the Instructional Managers (IM)/Mentors of this unit and love to teach especially in numbers. During my spare time, I also do one-on-one tutorial in our respective cells to my fellow PDL who needs special attention in their lessons. Review prior to their Accreditation and Equivalency (A&E) examination were also done together with other Instructional Managers (IM). I encourage ALS Learners to finish their Elementary or High School course as Alternative Learning System (ALS) graduates. I also voluntarily attends to various questions and queries of my fellow PDL as a Paralegal Aide regarding their cases. Majority of my fellow PDL were saying that this lockdown is such a nightmare. For those who usually have frequent "dalaw" like me before the lockdown, I find it very difficult to adjust. Despite in jail for more than seven years, I still have sleepless and tearful nights longing for my family, my children and especially my mother. Sometimes, I woke up in the middle of the night, unconsciously looking for my mother and saying "Mama, mama, mama..." while crying. I thought I was only dreaming, crying and calling my mother, but it's real that I'm crying and calling my mother. Longing and hunger for their hugs, kisses and love. Thanks for my friendly Lizards and Cockroaches who were there with me during those nights. But for those who were not visited by their families, the say "Now pare-pareho na tayo. Hindi na kami nag-iisa". Now that we are not allowed to have physical visitation, "1 kilo-paabot", no physical hearings, no service providers coming in, no Holy Mass, etc., is indeed very difficult to adjust and a new challenge for me and to others. But somehow, we could see some advantages, privilege to use the power of technology was opened: e-dalaw and e-tawag. This lockdown also improved our relationship with each other by sharing food and other stuff. PDL's talents were also discovered because of the various activities like "PDLs Got Talent", Acapella Competition, Ultimate Dance Contest, and other song and dance competitions, the poetry and essay writing contests, board games, etc. But of course we are wishing that this lockdown will soon be over so we could go back to our normal activities. But for now, we're just enjoying what we have and see not just the disadvantages but more on the advantages. This COVID-19 Era crisis brought me more realizations while inside the jail. First, life is full of uncertainties. No one has ever predicted this pandemic. We just woke up one day facing this crisis that affect the whole world and, Second, no matter what's your status in life, whether rich or poor, educated or not, popular or not, influential or not, there would be times that you cannot do anything but surrender your fate and accept the situation no matter how difficult it may be. For myself, I could say that this pandemic has changed by outlook in life. Before, I had this attitude of "wala akong paki" especially in matters that do not affect me and my loved ones. For as long as we are ok, I do not care about others. But this crisis made me realise that I was wrong; that in times of worldwide crisis like this, we should all be concerned and do something to help. Before, I only help people known to me, I was generous only to people I know. But the pandemic taught me to be generous to all who need my help. A lot of us got sick, maybe because of emotional stress or because of the changing climate. Now, I share my blessings to everyone in every possible way I can. And I realized it really feels good doing this. As this pandemic arises where many heroes stood up and shine, I was inspired to do simple things in simple ways for others that are connected to the Frontliners who are still in the battlefield fighting against the unseen enemy, while holding my experiences and realizations. I may not be like St. Francis of Assisi, but in my own simple gestures, I was able to take part in helping my fellow PDL physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, the same thing with the Frontliners outside who are helping and extending their hands to the COVID patients in all areas of life, in the "New Normal". Good day and greetings of wellness! Thank you for this opportunity. Thank you for sharing your blessings. We pray for your continued good health and safety.
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